ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
