my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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