He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
