You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
