Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
