Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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