My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
