wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
