i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
