census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
