You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
