I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We left the knife in your bed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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