I wish my penis had an off switch
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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