exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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