we made out on top of his cat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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