Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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