I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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