he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
