11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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