I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
