By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
