He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize