He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
