Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I currently don't understand fingers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
