So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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