He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
