you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize