Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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