I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
