my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
