after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
