someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
