I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
