he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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