I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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