Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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