my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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