Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
