ADVERTISEMENT

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  no

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE

  Fav 12 831 1657

  share tweet
  

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

  Fav 21 6190 1173

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (330): View more from Ohio

  We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true

  Fav 23 4449 1113

  share tweet
  

• (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Fav 54 75095 3010

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.

  Fav 9 1857 693

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.

  Fav 10 1792 770

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."

  Fav 1 1246 753

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.

  Fav 3 1305 1156

  share tweet
  

• (510): View more from California

  She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.

  Fav 2 965 1302

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  How are you getting in?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I know some influential drag queens

  Fav 0 795 506

  share tweet
  

• (607): View more from New York

  WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"

  Fav 5 554 942

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (907): View more from Alaska

  I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."

  Fav 5 1025 445

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding

  Fav 0 63 22

  share tweet
  

• (928): View more from Arizona

  well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public

  Fav 0 10 29

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.

  Fav 0 25 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize