are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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