just tell him i said nine months
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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