I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
