Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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