I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
