a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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