Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
