Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
