Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
