Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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