So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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