You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
