Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Mom said you looked used
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
