I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
