wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
