Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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