She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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