MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
