There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
