is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
