I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
