clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
