why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
