I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
