Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
